Tim Heaton

Heaton: 5 Funny Things Frustrated Southerners Say

Ever tried to nail Jello to a tree? People in the South have. Those of us residing below the Mason-Dixon line are known for our slow...

Tim Heaton: 15 Sure Signs You Went to High School in the South

Personally, I would decline a do-over for high school. It was tough: The confusion of emerging adulthood and all those tragedies that only a...

Heaton: Emancipate Yourself and Beware of Ranch Rembrandts

I was trying to get back to lighter fare after my last article, but the craziness of the Twitterverse got the best of me....

Top 10 Rules For Southerners Visiting New York City

As any hunter knows, you have to blend-in to bag game. In NYC, the purpose of blending in is to avoid being the game....

Heaton: A Positive Take on the Flag, Ole Miss and Race

The rebel flag for many white Southerners is a symbol of the old South, i.e. the one before strip malls, Honey BooBoo and I-95. To...

Heaton: How to Meet Southern Belles on Spring Break

My sons, who were raised in New Jersey, are at the age where they’re asking for tips on meeting Southern girls. My advice is...
people-talking-880149_1280-slider-1024x485.jpg

114 Southern Similes, Metaphors and Other Allusions for Dramatic Effect

The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and metaphors and other allusions. These techniques are the yellow highlighter of conversation. Could one communicate...

7 Funny Things Southerners Say About Cold Weather

  Judging the weather based on numerical temperatures is boring. Besides, if it’s 35 or 40 degrees, who can tell the difference? Southerners love a...

Heaton: Tragedy Brings Out the True Nature of People

You may have read my story of 9/11 and the “voice.”  It touched many people, but there is much to be said about the...

Heaton: How to Build a Professional Network

Building a professional network is — well, hard work. If it was easy, Bill Gates and Hugh Freeze would be in everyone’s phone. There...