‘Listening Makes You Who You Are’ Says Journalist, Guest Lecturer

By Ashton Logan
Hottytoddy.com intern
ablogan1@go.olemiss.edu

Being curious, dwelling on every new experience, watching others closely, and asking copious questions is something that most adults recall about their childhood. That experience is somewhat lost in adulthood, leaving us vulnerable to becoming poor listeners. Kate Murphy, an expert in communication, is devoting her life to the lost art of listening.

Murphy visited the University of Mississippi and spoke to journalism and integrated marketing communications last week on the importance of listening, especially in the communications industry.

Murphy is, as she says, an accidental Houston, TX-based journalist who has written for The New York Times, The Economist, Agence France-Presse, and Texas Monthly. After being landlocked in a Ph.D. program that wasn’t sparking her interest, she started writing for a local Texas business journal.

Murphy has written for The New York Times, The Economist, Agence France-Presse, and Texas Monthly. Photo via Amazon.

Without her knowing, the journal was sending her work to other journals and her name began circulating. Quickly, one of her articles reached the New York Times which jump-started her journalistic career. Early in her career as a communicator, she began noticing the lack of active listening and began to ask why.

Murphy’s book, “You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters.” Photo via Amazon.

Her newly published book, “You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters,” draws on conversational encounters with CIA investigators, her friend’s toddler, Catholic priests, and bartenders in order to bring a new light to listening – to truly connect with those who surround us.

“Listening is a skill. Just like any skill you lose your muscle memory if you don’t exercise it regularly,” Murphy said. “Exercising that part of yourself creates relationships that ultimately make a life, whether that be with your parents, loved ones, or significant others. You are what you listen to.”

According to Psychology Today, only 10% of the population listens effectively citing the distractions by constant dings from smartphones, long to-do lists and the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

Murphy states that in modern society we are taught to sell ourselves and be on guard constantly, focusing completely on us and not honing in on what the other person is saying. She attributes this factor to the digital age.

According to Murphy, we aren’t even listening to each other online. She states that when online, individuals have low risks, no one is vulnerable and everyone is simply responding instead of absorbing what the other person says.

“We are only listening to what we want to hear, not taking in the full picture,” she said.

The best way to improve our listening skills, Murphy says, is as simple as answering two questions: What did you learn about that person who was speaking and how did that person feel about what you were talking about?

“Everyone is interesting. Everyone has a story,” Murphy said. “I tell people all the time to get back to their inner toddler, cultivate curiosity and act on it. All those listening experiences make you who you are.”

Those interested in her book can pick up a signed copy of “You’re Not Listening”, at Square Books. Their business hours are Monday-Friday 9 a.m. – 9 p.m. and Sundays 9 a.m. – 6 p.m.