Bonnie Brown: The Empty Chair

 
By Bonnie Brown (Pictured Above)
As did many others, I watched the Academy Awards back in February and heard Grammy Award recipient and Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee Sting perform the haunting song, “The Empty Chair,” which was written by Oscar-nominated J. Ralph.  “The Empty Chair” received an Academy Award nomination for Best Original Song and was featured in the 2016 American documentary entitled “Jim: The James Foley Story.”  Foley, a journalist and war correspondent, was kidnapped in Syria on Thanksgiving Day in 2012, held captive for two years, and beheaded in August 2014.
It got me to thinking about my empty chairs—and there are many of them..  My parents, my in-laws, uncles, aunts, and best friends.  Their deaths thankfully were certainly not as dreadful as Jim Foley’s.  But the finality of their passing is still difficult to deal with.  
Our uncle passed away two years ago.  He was such a gentleman and lived his life in a manner to be envied by all—honest, talented, kind and caring.  Upon his passing, my husband who was the executor of his estate discovered amongst his possessions his military records which to our surprise showed that he had received the Bronze Star.  We certainly knew of his service, but he never mentioned to anyone this recognition.  Also among his belongings was a framed quote:   
“You came into this world with nothing but a future, and you will leave this world with nothing more than a reputation . . . Give this life everything you have to make it the very best you can.”  He lived this creed.  

In “The Empty Chair,” the lyrics “But keep my place and the empty chair, And somehow I’ll be there,” seems to give hope to each of us that the empty chair of the person not present conveys their thoughts of home and that “somehow I’ll be there.”  
I’ve since seen many poems and other verse about the “empty chair, ” and while the thought is very sad, there’s also comfort in knowing that the person missing from the chair will forever remain if not in the physical, at least in the emotional and spiritual presence of their loved ones.  The empty chair is powerful symbolism and imagery that evoke many emotions.  
We often are lulled into believing that time actually does stand still and that our lives become stagnant, while in reality, e know better.   I marvel that my children are now adults with children of their own.  I see their busy lives unfolding much as mine did at their age.  Days filled with their careers, their marriages, their children while dealing daily with stress from all directions.  How can we slow it all down?  I once read that the way we experience time is the direct result of how we spend it.  Like most of us, we try to cram so much into our waking hours.  Are we truly aware of how we spend these precious hours each day?  Time passes too quickly.  
When I was much younger, I would hear my parents talk about their upbringing and relatives and dismiss this information without another thought.  And as I grow older and my parents are no longer with me, I recognize that these crumbs of information have taken on greater importance.  I wished I had listened more, had retained the stories, and could impart more of my family history to my children and grandchildren.   I had an aunt who declared she planned to live to 100—and she almost made it.  But she had no curiosity about our family tree so the”empty chairs” thus signified a missed opportunity to learn more about our family.  

Do you remember the very ordinary things you learned from your parents or grandparents?  For some reason, I had a fascination with “old wives’ tales.”  Who knew that if your right eye itches, someone’s going to make you mad?  Or that if your left eye itches, you are going to be pleased?  Or if your nose itches, company’s coming?  I could go on and on with these.  I wish I had this type of recall about family members who were talked about at family gatherings—holidays, family reunions, birthday parties—but alas my recall is very fuzzy.  
Brian Oakes was the director of the film mentioned earlier about Jim Foley.  He was Foley’s childhood friend.  Who better to direct this film than his friend with whom he shared so much history.  Who better to know what the “empty chair” really meant to his family and loved ones?  

My advice is to celebrate the lives of the family members, friends, and loved ones who no longer sit in the “empty chair.”  Keep them close and listen to remember when you have the chance to do so.
I would suggest following the advice of Patrick Swayze who so eloquently said, “When those you love, die, the best you can do is honor their spirit for as long as you live. You make a commitment that you’re going to take whatever lesson that person or animal was trying to teach you, and you make it true in your own life… It’s a positive way to keep their spirit alive in the world, by keeping it alive in yourself.”

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