Heaton: 10 Sayings to Flatter a Southern Girl

My sons, who were raised in New Jersey, are at the age where they’re asking for tips on meeting southern girls – a variety of female well worth looking into.

My advice is usually, “Why don’t you start with something easier, like getting accepted to Harvard?”

Still, I can’t help but admire their ambition — they’ve apparently done some reconnoitering during tailgates at the Grove.

Here are some of the sayings they will need to know to flatter a southern girl.

Cute as a bug’s ear.
‘Cute’ was a synonym for ‘acute’ in the 18th century England. The term crossed the Atlantic, and in 1848 the U.S. romantic poet James Russell Lowell penned the phrase: “Aint it cute to see a Yankee take sech everlastin’ pains? “Cute as a bug’s ear” was first penned in the Charleston Sunday News, June 1891.

Cuter than pig nipples
The person calling herself Jasmine Tridevil claimed to have a breast added (making it three), but three breasts do occur naturally in humans, more often in men than women.

Prettier than a speckled pup under a wagon with his tongue hanging out.
“I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty… you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are.” – J. D. Salinger

Pretty as a mess of fried catfish.
“Mess” is Southern for a “batch.” This would translate to: Pretty as a “batch” of fried catfish.

Pretty as a spotted horse in a daisy pasture.
”Learn how to fake a smile that doesn’t look fake.” – Marilyn Monroe

She had a butt like a forty-­dollar mule. (Or government mule)
Before the tractor, farmers used mules to plow, and they only wanted mules with muscular hinds.

She’s hot as a two-dollar pistol.
From a George Jones song: A cheap pistol, due to thinner steel in the barrel, gets hot quickly when firing.

She’s finer than frog hair split eight ways!
As opposed to, “I would drink her daddy’s bath water.”

She’s pretty as a speckled pup.
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” – Albert Einstein

Tim Heaton is a recognized expert in leveraging technology for organizations from athletics to high finance and has been awarded 17 U.S. patents in technology. Tim is a contributing writer to HottyToddy.com and actively volunteers his technical, database and social media expertise to several nonprofits. He is also a published author, chef and physical fitness enthusiast.

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