Scruggs Pens ‘Whisky Speech’ Parody

Philanthropist Dick Scruggs has written a parody of the famous 1952 “Whisky Speech” by then-Representative Noah S. “Soggy” Sweat Jr.

Later a judge, Sweat is remembered most for his “Whiskey Speech” delivered in the Mississippi House in 1952 when lawmakers were debating legalizing liquor. Judge Sweat’s speech has had a lasting impact on Mississippi citizens, and it is still  widely read and recited today.

The New Whisky Speech (If By this Flag)
By Dick Scruggs
2015

Scruggs

My friends, I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about the Flag. All right, here is how I feel about the flag…

If, when you say the Flag, you mean the Cross of St. Andrew, the banner under which Braveheart, Robert the Bruce and our Scottish forebears resisted tyranny and expelled the English invaders; if, when you mention the Flag, you mean the the standard around which our more recent ancestors rallied in a noble Lost Cause against the fatherless Yankee hoards who invaded our sacred soil to burn our towns, salt our fields and steal our property; if by Flag you mean the banner symbolizing the fabled athletic teams of Ole Miss, Johnny Vaught and Charlie Connerly, so proudly waved by spirited students encouraging their teams to victory…then certainly I am for it.

But if, when you say the Flag, you mean the symbol of slavery, inhumanity and bigotry that is defiantly flaunted by the lower breeds of our society, yea, the modern equivalent of the Nazi swastika, the emblem of intolerance and hatred and a symbol detested and feared by the descendants of slaves who see the Flag as a palpable reminder of their recent status as second class citizens denied the privileges and immunities guaranteed to them under our Constitution; if that’s what you mean when you say Flag, then most assuredly I am against it.

This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.

The Whisky Speech (If By Whisky)
By Noah S. “Soggy” Sweat Jr.
1952

Judge Noah S. “Soggy” Sweat Jr.

My friends, I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know
that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about whiskey. All right, here is how I feel about whiskey:

If when you say whiskey you mean the devil’s brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.

But, if when you say whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman’s step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life’s great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.

This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.