Cleveland Interviews True Triple Crown Winner American Pharoah

American Pharoah claims Triple Crown by 5 1/2 furlongs.
Photo courtesy of abcnews.go.com

Were you among the millions who watched the Belmont Stakes? I was. I watched the race, and then I watched the winning jockey interviewed at length while he was still on his horse and waving triumphantly to the crowd. He acted as if he had done all the work.

And then I heard the winning trainer interviewed about his expertise. Then I watched the horse’s jubilant owner celebrate and act like he had accomplished something besides being really rich and not in jail.

And here’s what I thought after watching all that: I wonder what the horse thinks. I wish we could interview him. I mean, he’s the real star. I’d love to hear what he has to say about all this. In fact, I think I can guess.

Here we go:

Interviewer: Well, American Pharoah, lots and lots of folks are taking lots and lots of credit for what you just accomplished.

American Pharoah: So what else is new? I am over it. These idiots couldn’t even spell my name right.

Interviewer: And all these people — the owner, the trainer and the jockey — are making piles and piles of money because you just won the Triple Crown.

American Pharoah: And you know what I got for winning the Triple Crown? A few extra carrots. That’s what. Carrots. Did you hear what I said? Carrots!

Interviewer: AP — you don’t mind if I call you AP do you? — I don’t know if you know it, but many in the media are comparing your times to those of Secretariat.

American Pharoah: Secre-WHO-iat?

Interviewer: Secretariat was a huge red horse who won the Triple Crown in 1973.

American Pharoah: Hey, man, that was 42 years ago. You realize I am only 3?

Interviewer: Secretariat still holds the record time for all three races of the Triple Crown. His Kentucky Derby time was four seconds faster than yours. His time in the Belmont would have beaten your time by 14 lengths. It wouldn’t have been close.

American Pharoah: Did they check him for steroids? I mean, come on now. Nobody’s that fast. Did he pee in a cup? They should have made him pee in a cup. All I know is I beat everybody I ran against in all three races and none was close. What’s a horse to do? You can only beat the horses you have a chance to beat. Now you want me to chase a ghost, a big red ghost.

Interviewer: AP, there’s a lot of talk now about your future. Millions of folks would like to see you race again. Meanwhile, your owner seems to lean toward putting you out to stud. Your thoughts?

American Pharoah: Well first you are going to have to tell me what putting me out to stud means. Didn’t I tell you I am only 3?

Interviewer: It means retiring you to a farm where they will bring in mares by the hundreds and expect you to make baby horses.

American Pharoah (his eyes lighting up): You are asking me if I want to keep running in circles for carrots, or retire to a farm, wait for people to bring in mare after mare, and all I have to do is make baby horses? I’ll do that stud thing. Heck, I’ll even eat the stinkin’ carrots. Say, that other horse you were talking about? You know, the big red one that ran so fast? What did he do after he won the Triple Crown?

Interviewer: He ran a few more races, and was retired to a stud farm at age 3.

American Pharoah: How’d that work out?

Interviewer: There were hits and misses, but Secretariat sired approximately 600 foals.

American Pharoah: Now there’s a ghost I can chase. When do we get started?

Rick Cleveland (rcleveland@msfame.com) is executive director of the Mississippi Sports Hall of Fame and Museum.