Heaton: What Southerners Say about Snow and Ice

Photo by Jim Hendrix

For Southerners and snow

When you first see it you say: “Butter my butt and call me a biscuit!”

Because snowfall in the South is as: “Scarce as deviled eggs after a church picnic.”

You soon find out that the roads are: “Slick as snot on a goat’s glass eye.”

And that your tires on ice are: ”As useless as a steering wheel on a mule.”

And if you get in an accident you might be: “So deep in jail they’re feeding you beans with a sling-shot.”!

For Yankees and snow

When you first see it you say: “That makes my butt want a dip of snuff.”

Because snow is: “As common as goat’s nuts.”

And: “About as much fun as a warm bucket of calf slobber.”

Also “As welcome as an outhouse breeze.”

Because your car is: “Stuck hub deep to a Ferris wheel.”

After about a day the dirty snow: “Looks like hell with everyone out to lunch.”

Tim Heaton is a HottyToddy.com contributor and can be reached at tim.h.heaton@gmail.com. His new book, “Momma n’ Em Said: The Treasury of Southern Sayings” is available on Amazon.