36. The Oxford, Mississippi Dictionary: Space Potato

The harvesting of a space potato is a long, arduous process, but the result is an open space. The space potato often may stay planted long enough to leave behind essential oils.

Needed nomenclature for a growing community.

Editor’s Note: This is an installment in a series of blogs on new Oxfordisms.

When I traverse Oxford’s highways, byways, sidewalks, and barstools, I observe things that The Oxford English Dictionary doesn’t define. This dearth in accepted terminology leads to drawn-out explanations when referencing these phenomena. Our burgeoning community busts at its seams with growth, and so must our collective vocabulary.

So, I endeavor to begin a supplementary lexicon. This collection of terms will be known as The Oxford, Mississippi Dictionary*.

Here is another term to add to the vocab.

space potato, n.

An individual who gets into a parked car, ostensibly with the intent to back out and leave, who instead sits in the driver’s seat, still parked, for an inordinate amount of time, while an eager driver sits, patient and still, in the middle of the parking lot waiting for the spot to become vacant. The individual is oblivious to surroundings or notions of courtesy and unaware that approximately seven cars are backed up behind the waiting driver while the individual seated in the motionless car balances a checkbook, clips fingernails, texts a friend, does tax returns, or takes a nap—all while pressing the brake pedal and, sometimes, having the car in reverse, indicating to waiting would-be parkers via the lights on the rear of the car that motion is about to occur. The space potato is known to finally move a few seconds after the frustrated waiting driver decides to move on and make another loop around the Square, at which time some undeserving person who just pulled up and didn’t put in the time gets the now-vacant spot. The original driver, who waited, circles back to find Johnny-park-lately has taken the spot, shakes his fist and mutters, “Damn you, space potato!”

— Tad Wilkes, tad.wilkes@hottytoddy.com

* This is not a book. Yet.